AWARD WINNING CUCUMBER

 I.

no water like rainwater when rainwater is fred rainwater texan taurus
tearing shit up at carnival in seymour, texas because a group of men
called out lewd suggestions as he walked past with his hot pregnant wife
and first daughter the february born aquarian who first ran away
from home on red tricycle with kiss magazines in 1977
rocks were thrown glass was broken then much ass kicking ensued
oh daddy daddy daddy how can i ever find a man to rival you

and then one day finally i sure enough did
all you need is the moon and mercury
pluto is a motherfucking bonus
saturn seals the goddamn deal
fuck me harder again again again
mars conjunct sun mercury conjunct mercury moon square moon
we can go deeper if you want
we can be here a while
no baby all you need to know is yes i did and yes i have and yes i will
without apology without wringing of hands without equivocation

to know him is to adore him to hell and back
so sick with love i sing brand new key karaoke
i bubble wrap breakable things and place in boxes
i buy a ticket i take the ride become a wartime bride with trashy tattoos
and astral projection thundercloud bruises on inner thighs

never was a size queen but goddamn i said goddamn
never was good at math but looks like thirteen inches of coke can 
porn star cock rock star tear up the hotel room throw tv out the window
no sleep till brooklyn lollapalooza monterey pop nirvana mtv acoustic
this dance ain't for everybody only the sexy people
outta the friend zone and into the frying pan
"I'll make you wish there was 48 hours to each day" (chaka khan, aries)
"Grab ya glocks when you see Tupac" (tupac shakur, aries moon)

this is just to say i am fiercely discombobulated
this is just to say i am deeply retarded
this is just to say daddy (fred rainwater) you have been dethroned
at last at last thank god at last

II. 

myspace was too goddamn crowded with poets, editors, models
drinking bottom shelf wine i was terrible mother seeking fresh thrill
couldn't find the gold for all the roadkill and solo cups
did not recognize aries sun gemini moon capricorn rising daddy
by daddy meaning dada meaning best friend forever meaning
best lover of life future until muerte husband drill sergeant life coach 
"what would you have done if i had sent you a dic pic?" (he asks)
" i would have said FEED ME" (she replies without hesitation)

this is just to say i am fed but this is only genesis
this is aquarius woman meeting aries man in primordial garden
or is it primeval it's primitive it's primal it's optimus prime
a red and blue semi-truck energon sword wielding hero
defeating the decepticons like a motherfucking goat

fed yes hell yes i am but the best is yet to come (def leppard)
where do we go now? (guns n' roses)
onward to paradise where the scylla and charybdis is no mas
and christians are fed to the lions regurgitated then fed again
and witches roam free dripping pussy juice for all eternity which is five minutes 
which is a century which is my head in daddy's lap as he reads
the lonely doll in his richard burton fuck me long time voice
i have no choice but to acquiesce
lovingly
completely
for i am wholly his

III.

this is not san francisco thank christ this is not city lights
this is not open mic poetry night in kerouac alley
and this is not santa cruz bowling alley karaoke
"what's your problem?" (security guard)
"i am from texas" (me, soaked from pitcher of sprite i poured over my head)
"cutting you off, give someone else a turn" (deejay)

what is this? (faith no more)
i want it i want it i want it
need it need it need it
love it love it love it
with a rebel yell (billy idol)
harder deeper with feeling with beethoven with the stars at noon spinning
winning bigger and much dirtier than charlie sheen (virgo)

it's 1979 and she's a girl who believes in john travolta as tony manero
it's 1983 and she tells herself she's on camera and ricky schroeder 
from "silver spoons" can see her as she turns in homework assignment
in her purple tights and mini skirt every inch the snow bright virgin
it's 2023 and she thinks she sees him in kansas city
but no he already has a bitch (aries) and he's sagittarius
he ain't the one to try for

"honey don't you fret 'cause you ain't seen nothing yet"
(saturn/belushi the first decan aquarian on snl)

i saw the best cock of my or any other generation
in pisces season 2026
ding ding ding
we have
a winner
because of all that came before
and all that will come after
holy laughter holy cum thrum of all thrums
dumb with yum licking batter from the spoon
sucking thumb for dream dada
realized
concretized
immortalized
for the numb alive
for the tragically dead
for any conceivable eternal
demonic angelic audience

this is for
the archives     

oarfish answer

Here's another for Misti Rainwater, whose name I shall soon take in marriage.

Also massive thanks to my number two planet Pluto, who did us both proud in the sexuality department synastry. 

 

  

TSUNAMI

 

this planet is populated with people who call themselves poets
and none of them i am certain want to read another squirting poem
by a texan crone who doesn't know billy collins from gary snyder
so this is for us and any future angelic retards who delight in the ineffable
and awkward attempts to spray paint the numinous all over american asphalt
look over here come see come see david + misti = fucking and besos and magic
until the last wave crashes the last beach blanket bingo fiesta

donde esta su corazon? mine is wherever i am and when i am with my man
it's aglow with a million ponyfish and "rockin' back inside my heart" burns on the jukebox
our fuckscape is cool cerulean and hot pink and i don't think there's room for anyone but us
in this super secret pirate cove decorated with the skulls of our enemies and tiger beat posters

it's wet it's wild it's unlikely bottles of champagne will pop no toast will be made
but i know the stinging secrets of saturn and the promises of pluto
goddamn it feels good to be a gangsta
holding back and doing without having none conserving saving building and then
the glittering crashing fury of a wave train coming coming coming 
and nothing and no one not even the monkey god of the coconut palm
can stop it

made of sunset

Another one for Kitten because she was napping & this created a loose end for a few minutes

 

 

 

"crushed cunt"

Another for kitten Misti Rainwater, of whom I am very proud. Taking her name when we marry & then we're fucking off to Mexico.

  

 

 

"we tear night"

 Latest for Misti

 

 

two of cups ain't a myth

 

okay yes full fucking disclosure for a long time i believed
even though i had no reason to believe oh i did i believed with all my 
venus in aquarius sextile chiron in aries heart that someday he would find me
and we would be like heloise and abelard, sid and nancy, bogie and bacall, rhett and scarlett
todd and elizabeth from sweet valley high, randy and julie from "valley girl"
i would walk into the bowling alley on a saturday night in april
"just what i needed" by the cars blaring from every speaker
and he would stand there swigging his basic bottle of beer
watching me from a distance like a wolf
until he closed in, offered to buy me a cherry coke
six months later there would be a tiered wedding cake and a deejay
maybe a fiji honeymoon and a house in colorado

fucking hell i was disappointed so disappointed i wanted to die
where are you? save me! save me! i am surrounded by limp dick cowboys
and men who belch while rooting for the patriots or ravens
the whole thing is a joke and it isn't funny
thank jesus for vibrators and mcdonald's free wifi
love is two of solo cups and the radio is such trash
eddie money followed by tom petty followed by bonnie raitt
get me the fuck out of here goddamn goddamn am i even alive

and then two of solo cups became two of bone china tea cups
because of an email about the crumbling of an empire
and a list of supplements and a photograph of a bed covered with stuffed animals
eighteen years melting like pink cotton candy on my tongue
fuck me i want to be twelve again sixteen again twenty again 
all of life before me like a goddamn disney pixar movie
and this time i know better because he loves me and i am snow
and he loves me and i am gold
and we're better than brad and lisa at all-american burger
and we get a happier ending than tommy and carrie
or mr. big and carrie because fuck that franchise

carve it in stone write it with quill and ink on parchment
then set it on fire or roll it up put it in a glass bottle send it out to sea
this is for the record this is for the archives
yes bitches yes motherfuckers
a girl from texas grew into a woman who finally got it right
an aquarian with virgo rising and more issues than playboy finally found her match
only took 53 years but time isn't real it's a construct
so bueno and gracias
mercury moon saturn sun mars santa jesus elvis shakespeare cupid
etcetera

place for title

 

on the uber ride to the nail salon looking at the san antonio sky
bluer than my balls but unlike my balls studded with wistful clouds
the thought popped into my crowded head
i didn't know the value of things before but i do now
boxes bulging with crystals tarot decks books records jewelry lipsticks
ranging from black to barbie pink
art on the walls food going to waste in cupboard fridge garage
gleaming electric pink guitar orange amp
excellent credit score thousands of dollars in savings and checking
i could buy a boat a truck a house a horse a really excellent dog
but all i want to do is get to the one person on this fucking planet
whose voice acts as a narcotic and a stimulant
his name is david, bitches and cocksuckers and generic motherfuckers from malibu
to memphis who the fuck lives in memphis somehow i survived memphis
in 2000 drunk on daiquiris with the libra from new york
fuck the mistakes and the baggage and the karma like porridge three times a day
for however many twisted fairy tale years
i am flying to him streaked and bloody from salons
escaping the talons of time
and the suffocation of the gated subdivision
because he knows
the fucking
code  

"fuck you bruise"

Kitten says this is her favourite & most tingly so far. Only a few days left before our lives start (we are old but Saturnian).  

 

 

 

New Kitten Noise Loops

Dada does it better

 Blues are finally over

 Angelic Instruction

 

 

& an older one "brain bliss"

 

Many others available on the various channels. Obviously I love my bitch but i know these are good 

GRAPE DADA

money cannot buy everything not even at walmart on the wednesday after xmas
lo siento elon musk on your angry micro penis
my dada does not have an angry micro penis
my dada is the proud owner of an eBuLLieNT monster daddy cocK
and this is why i suck my thumb look into my dada's dark eyes
and say in a soft texas beauty pageant girl voice
RAPE ME, DADA
rape me harder
pussy loves every ecstatic thrust
and this is the best we can do for this planet which would rather be atlantis
fucking like pirates like tomorrow volcano takes all
this is everything this is sacred this is gold
hold me dada keep me dada grape me dada rape me dada
baby girl sobs until catharsis then sleep
wrapped up in this purpled fascination
tomorrow and its rain and popcorn munchers and trash elite can fuck
all the way all the way all the way
off
 

bruised cunt

 

 

Kitten can make Dada pretend angry & then there's all sorts of play & it all ends in tears & cum & squirting.