AWARD WINNING CUCUMBER

 I.

no water like rainwater when rainwater is fred rainwater texan taurus
tearing shit up at carnival in seymour, texas because a group of men
called out lewd suggestions as he walked past with his hot pregnant wife
and first daughter the february born aquarian who first ran away
from home on red tricycle with kiss magazines in 1977
rocks were thrown glass was broken then much ass kicking ensued
oh daddy daddy daddy how can i ever find a man to rival you

and then one day finally i sure enough did
all you need is the moon and mercury
pluto is a motherfucking bonus
saturn seals the goddamn deal
fuck me harder again again again
mars conjunct sun mercury conjunct mercury moon square moon
we can go deeper if you want
we can be here a while
no baby all you need to know is yes i did and yes i have and yes i will
without apology without wringing of hands without equivocation

to know him is to adore him to hell and back
so sick with love i sing brand new key karaoke
i bubble wrap breakable things and place in boxes
i buy a ticket i take the ride become a wartime bride with trashy tattoos
and astral projection thundercloud bruises on inner thighs

never was a size queen but goddamn i said goddamn
never was good at math but looks like thirteen inches of coke can 
porn star cock rock star tear up the hotel room throw tv out the window
no sleep till brooklyn lollapalooza monterey pop nirvana mtv acoustic
this dance ain't for everybody only the sexy people
outta the friend zone and into the frying pan
"I'll make you wish there was 48 hours to each day" (chaka khan, aries)
"Grab ya glocks when you see Tupac" (tupac shakur, aries moon)

this is just to say i am fiercely discombobulated
this is just to say i am deeply retarded
this is just to say daddy (fred rainwater) you have been dethroned
at last at last thank god at last

II. 

myspace was too goddamn crowded with poets, editors, models
drinking bottom shelf wine i was terrible mother seeking fresh thrill
couldn't find the gold for all the roadkill and solo cups
did not recognize aries sun gemini moon capricorn rising daddy
by daddy meaning dada meaning best friend forever meaning
best lover of life future until muerte husband drill sergeant life coach 
"what would you have done if i had sent you a dic pic?" (he asks)
" i would have said FEED ME" (she replies without hesitation)

this is just to say i am fed but this is only genesis
this is aquarius woman meeting aries man in primordial garden
or is it primeval it's primitive it's primal it's optimus prime
a red and blue semi-truck energon sword wielding hero
defeating the decepticons like a motherfucking goat

fed yes hell yes i am but the best is yet to come (def leppard)
where do we go now? (guns n' roses)
onward to paradise where the scylla and charybdis is no mas
and christians are fed to the lions regurgitated then fed again
and witches roam free dripping pussy juice for all eternity which is five minutes 
which is a century which is my head in daddy's lap as he reads
the lonely doll in his richard burton fuck me long time voice
i have no choice but to acquiesce
lovingly
completely
for i am wholly his

III.

this is not san francisco thank christ this is not city lights
this is not open mic poetry night in kerouac alley
and this is not santa cruz bowling alley karaoke
"what's your problem?" (security guard)
"i am from texas" (me, soaked from pitcher of sprite i poured over my head)
"cutting you off, give someone else a turn" (deejay)

what is this? (faith no more)
i want it i want it i want it
need it need it need it
love it love it love it
with a rebel yell (billy idol)
harder deeper with feeling with beethoven with the stars at noon spinning
winning bigger and much dirtier than charlie sheen (virgo)

it's 1979 and she's a girl who believes in john travolta as tony manero
it's 1983 and she tells herself she's on camera and ricky schroeder 
from "silver spoons" can see her as she turns in homework assignment
in her purple tights and mini skirt every inch the snow bright virgin
it's 2023 and she thinks she sees him in kansas city
but no he already has a bitch (aries) and he's sagittarius
he ain't the one to try for

"honey don't you fret 'cause you ain't seen nothing yet"
(saturn/belushi the first decan aquarian on snl)

i saw the best cock of my or any other generation
in pisces season 2026
ding ding ding
we have
a winner
because of all that came before
and all that will come after
holy laughter holy cum thrum of all thrums
dumb with yum licking batter from the spoon
sucking thumb for dream dada
realized
concretized
immortalized
for the numb alive
for the tragically dead
for any conceivable eternal
demonic angelic audience

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