JIZZ MASTER

 

Hi. My name is Misti. You can call me bitch. You can call me whore. You can call me skank. You can call me cookie. I really don't care what you call me because I am thirteen and retarded and so in love with Daddy (Jizz Master) (David C. McLean) that I am pissing gay rainbows from Malibu to Miami. 

In all seriousness, I bled my eyeballs out for approximately a century trying to create the perfect natal chart for the perfect man (for me) at astro.com. My natal chart is extremely complicated, cocksuckers! I've got my sun in the ANARETIC DEGREE of AQUARIUS for a goddamn shit ass start! I've got Virgo rising conjunct my VIRGO MOON. Fuck you with your big mouth Sagittarius moon. Fuck you with your Oh Golly Gee Wheeee Life is a CARNIVAL Libra moon. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you to FILTH. I have a FIRST HOUSE Virgo moon and it has often sucked being me, an Aquarian fucktard adrift in Dixie Land, surrounded by Dr. Pepper swigging Fritos chomping "Jerry Springer" watching cowboy church attending troglodytes who think Jesus is coming back on Easter Sunday 2026.

Jesus may or may not return this Easter but IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL (fucking voyeurs) because I am filthy crazy to the marrow IN LOVE with my Tardo Twin, David C. McLean. Yes, bitch, we do in FACT have Mercury conjunct Mercury (to the degree, which is FOURTEEN) in Pisces. His Gemini moon is at six degrees and SO IS MY MOON IN VIRGO. Squares are only bad if you're a pussy. I'm not a pussy and neither is my man my sword wielding angel my baby my darling my daddy my future forever husband, David C. McLean. 

Why do I love my man so much? None of your goddamn business but since you're here. He does not attend poetry readings. He doesn't stand at the microphone and say (under the influence of an award winning IPA), "So I was really going through something...heh heh heh...when I wrote this poem. It was published in Ploughshares and has been nominated for various awards."

Also. He's pretty goddamn intelligent for a retard. He uses words like "exigencies" and "perdure" !!! which is crack for my sapiosexual soul!!! (Don't edit this, Daddy. I know what I'm doing.) (I love you but I do not have love in my whore heart for the Oxford comma.)

So I bled my eyeballs out for 100 years or so, looking for that ever elusive perfect natal combo. Found it. At last at last. Sun in Aries. Oooo fuck me HARDER. Mars in Aquarius conjunct my sun. PORK SWORD ALERT. Pluto in Virgo RIGHT THE FUCK on my moon in Virgo. Jealous yet? You damn sure SHOULD BE.

Check it out. Yo. Sun in Aries. Capricorn rising. Oh my GOD fuck me harder. Please. Moon in Gemini. He keeps talking as I'm falling asleep. David C. McLean (DADDY) is the only man on this planet or any other who has EVER made me CUM with his VOICE. He's my Richard Burton. Welsh god. WELSH GOD. Forget what you heard. This what you hearin'!!! And last night? When the moon was wherever it was? Sun in Aries? Saturn in Aries? Pluto in Aquarius? MY MAN MADE ME SQUIRT ON BLOODY WHATSAPP with his VOICE. Goddamn right. Oh, you think I'm joking?? Do you want pictures? You won't be receiving those. Never squirted in my life until last night and it's all due to Saturn in Aries sextiling Pluto in Aquarius urging me nay COMMANDING ME to finally unfriendzone my favorite man of all time. His name is David C. McLean. I can call him Daddy. He IS Daddy. He's mine. ALL MINE. So KISS both of our asses. BYE. 

p.s. David C. McLean has the most gorgeous gargantuan cock I have ever seen.  

 #JIZZ #LOVE #SATURN #BESOS #KISSES #DADDY #BABYGIRL #JUICE #SPUNK #ORGASMS #SQUIRTING #ARIES #AQUARIUS #BDE #COCK #TESTOSTERONE